luvrhino (luvrhino) wrote,
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my shit, she is cracked

Same Old Bill's book arrived last night. As promised, i will provide a book review for all you people. However, since i only have a finite capacity for hilarity, i will be providing a serialized review in my journal, tackling a small portion of the literature at a time. It should prove interesting. Perhaps i will discover upon deconstructing what on the surface is the rambling of an insane man from a universe far removed from our own that the book is actually a profound treatise, even the most important document in the history of mankind. You never know. As SOB would say, "The adventure continues......"

A couple logistical notes. All errors and typographical curiosities are SOB's and not my own, since years of education have stifled such literary creativity on my part. Furthermore, all my smart-ass comments will be in blue. Everything not in blue is his genius.

The title page looks like this:
Involvement in Pro - Life Ministries
"a lay ministry to get the community involved in the Pro Life Movement"
The Book
by William Burban
23062 Shady Oaks Lane
Porter, Texas 77365
Work Te. # 281-XXX-XXXX

Edition 1

Couple notes. First, i can't wait for IPLM: The Screenplay, cuz that would be awesome. Second, remember that this only Edition 1 since he's writing a second edition that will discuss Houston PP's and my rolls in Chandra Levy's death/murder. The book is in five parts, including "Part 3: The evilness and wickedness of Planned Parenthood!" and "Part 5: The last part."

The Introduction begins with:
Dear Reader, I decided to write a book that would explain how "Involvement in Pro - Life Ministries" works and give you tips on how you can get more involved in the Pro Life Movement and tell you some of the triumphs and trials that the ministry went thru.

Involvement in Pro - Life Ministries Articles of Association [i'm just giving the highlights]

2) To encourage more of the community to picket outside abortion mills and exercise their First Amendment Right which states "Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof: or abridging the freedom of speech or the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
3) To encourage more of the community to picket outside the abortionist's residence and exercise their First Amendment Right which states "Congress shall make..." [Except that this time he gets the semicolon after "thereof" and the ending quotation mark correct.]
8) To expose Planned Parenthood of it's blood thirsty, pro death philosophy.
10) To encourage individuals of the community to attend city council meetings and express their First Amendment Right. [This time, there's no elaboration on what the First Amendment Right is. Perhaps he had enough padding already...]

It's important that when you start your Pro Life ministry that you have an "Articles of Association" and feel free to use IPLM's (short for Involvement in Pro - Life Ministries) articles of association. I wrote these articles on September 8, 1993.

The Mission Statement


The mission statement should be twenty words of less when you start your Pro Life ministry. For example IPLM's mission statement is "a lay ministry to get the community involved in the Pro Life Movement". The mission statement should be able to tell the reader of your ministry newsletter what your ministry is all about. [You know, because they're not going to be able to discern that from his ministry's name...]
I'm going to stop now. In the future, i'm not going to retype such large swaths of the book, but i figured that doing it once allows you to get a feel for the tone and overall quality of the piece.

Thus far, i'm impressed. This is by far the most literate thing i've seen SOB write. Compare this to one of his newsletters. Some of his press release (yes, he releases a lot of things to the press) get even worse.
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