My emissions [07 Jan 2005|12:49pm] [ mood | disturbed ] [ music | Fall Behind Me - The Donnas ] Okay, i owe you people an anecdote from my hospital. I'll tell you the most disturbing moment of my life. So, the second night post-surgery, i had to take a crap. Because i'm an idiot, i failed to mention to anyone that i hadn't had a bowel movement since i had first been admitted to the hospital (9 days). I did attempt a preemptive shit a couple times, but traffic was jammed on the Hershey Highway. Anyway, i'll just say that being that constipated while having 20+ head-staples wasn't the most pleasant experience of my life. After said experience, i wiped my anus, as is my wont. Then, i figured i should probably try getting as much urine out of my system as possible. You see, i had various and sundry tubes and wires connected to me, making it a minor production for me to get out of bed to head to the toidy. I did have a urine bottle for all my bed-peeing needs, but i had yet to master the skill of making wee wee while lying down in a semi-private room. Don't you worry, if you ever have an urgent need for me to demonstrate that skill, i'd be more than happy to do so. Bed-pissing tangent aside, after wiping, i kept standing (while holding onto a handle since my equilibrium was quite unsteady at that point) and, after slight effort, managed to get a healthy stream going. Then i looked down. Remember how my main problem post-surgery (aside from the Bush re-election) was double/dancing vision? Well, i don't know about you, but, personally, i found it rather disturbing to look down to discover that i now had two cocks. They even did a little dance for me...though i confess i may have just been imagining that. I am quite proud of the fact that, despite being quite startled by my double endowment, i somehow managed to keep my twin urine streams in the twin toilets. I rule. 4 comments|post comment

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