luvrhino (luvrhino) wrote,

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I am a very bad man, ken

According to godly people, i assault little girls.

I wish i could make the story as interesting as it sounds, but i can't. I was standing across the street from PP, amusedly watching 15-20 fundamentalists harangue a couple of black male pedestrians who just happened by, one of whom's flame burned as bright as any supernova. A puddle of fundy-drool soaked the ground.

Back towards the clinic, i noticed a confused driver that needed assistance, so i turned around and headed across the street to attend to my escorting duties. Apparently, while doing so, i brushed against a young teenager, though i honestly didn't notice it at the time.

A full 10 minutes later, a very irate blonde fundy came running up to me yelling at me, "How could i shove her daughter like that?"

"Uh, are you sure it was me? I don't recall touching anyone."

"I saw you shove my daughter right before you crossed the street over there! How could you do such a thing?"

I apologized to both of her two daughters that were standing with her (for i wasn't sure which one i was accused of shoving), stating that i never had any intention of touching either one of them. This didn't assuage the mom at all, and the protestors, of course, called the police.

The police discussion about my assault wasn't very interesting. The officers took statements from the protestors who saw my malicious assault, the two passers-by that were being sermoned to who claimed i pushed no one, and me in which i asserted that i hadn't the faintest idea what they were talking about. No action was taken.

What was of interest was that Same Old Bill came up to the officer while he was interrogating me, leading off with the infamous Chandra Levy story. After the officer stated that they already had his statement with regards to the Levy-affair, SOB wanted further charges brought against me for making "homosexual statements" to him earlier this morning.

"What kind of homosexual statements?"

"He told me that i looked nice today," SOB said plainly. (I had actually asked why "SOB looked so pretty today," but that was the most accurate SOB has been about anything all year so i let it go.)

Thanks to god-hating, tree-hugging, abortion-ridden liberals, it turns out that it's not illegal for one man to tell another man that he looks nice.

This isn't to say that didn't flaunt my apparent homosexuality this morning. I've taken to calling the lovely "reverend" i mentioned here "Schnookims."

Schnookims loves that.
Tags: abortion, pp
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