luvrhino (luvrhino) wrote,

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Lombardo Method

Before i give SOB's account of "The assault on August 15, 1998 by Planned Parenthood Deathscorts," allow me to tell you what actually happened so you can compare and contrast. Deathscorts Shelia, Sean, Steve, and i were deathscorting a client from our parking lot across the street. Upon leaving the parking lot, SOB offered his flyer and the client refused. As i've mentioned, this refusal meant that SOB was going to "verbally tell" the client his view of the world. Since we had four deathscorts there, we were able to make an effective (or "affective") barrier that prevented SOB from getting at the client. After crossing the street, the order of battle along the sidewalk was Sheila and the client in front, Sean, SOB, and Steve. I had peeled off as we really didn't need four deathscorts for only SOB, since he's not exactly fleet of foot. I viewed the assault from about six feet back, three feet in front of an anti-abortion protestor named Melba/Pam Fletcher. I think her given name is Melba, but she goes by Pam. Anyway, she only protested one or two Saturdays before finding better uses for her time.

So with the client up ahead, Sean slowed his pace to about 1.5 MPH. This caused SOB to close distance to the point where the only thing separating them was SOB's Divine Clipboard of Knowledge. Said clipboard was held such that the flat side was pressed against SOB's potbelly and the metal clip was held at the top apparently against Sean's back. SOB could have gone around on his left, but that would have required agility that he doesn't possess. On the right, there was a metal fence and some short greenery that marks PP's property line. Following behind SOB by only a foot was Deathscort Steve.

His plans frustrated by evilness, SOB gave up. However, rather than simply stepping to his left, which was open, SOB drop-stepped backwards with his left foot, and in the process neatly body (butt?) checked Steve into the foliage on the right. Steve was able to catch his fall only by grabbing on to the fence.

The HPD was called and assault charges were filed against Sean in addition to SOB because, according to SOB, Sean "stopped his egress." The only thing that Sean did was to fail to yield to the Divine Clipboard of Knowledge pressed against his back.

One other cool thing happened during all this. During the period after the assault and before the HPD came, SOB stated to Sheila that: "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus." That cracked my shit up. Apparently he's on close enough terms with the son of god that Jesus allows SOB to rebuke people in his name.

I think that's enough for now and i'll get to the text in my next post. However, in order to make up for my neglect from the last few days and to fulfill lykaedra's request, here are some crayon illustrations of the above.

p.s. This Saturday, one of the members of Schnookim's church, White Lightning, showed up with a new sign. I love it, of course, but i've acted like it makes me uncomfortable and that "i hope that message doesn't become common knowledge" since it's in our best interest that he keeps using it.

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