Why would “If you were at the Emperors Club, I’d rate you seven whore diamonds out of seven,” not be considered a compliment?

Would it have been better claim that this person would inspire a new rating of more than seven whore diamonds?

I don't understand.
  • Current Music
    Yo La Tengo's 2008 WFMU Request-a-Thon

inefficient resource usage

During the past week, i've received at least fifteen phone calls urging me to vote for Barack Obama on Tuesday...nine of them from real, live people. I'm still going to vote for him, but sheesh.

I've had one each for Clinton and McCain.
  • Current Music
    Jordan, Jesse GO!

Joan of Arc: literally, sizzling hot

My nomination for Hotties from History was read in this week's Bugle podcast. The Bugle - Audio Newspaper for a Visual World is a jolly good podcast featuring The Daily Show's Jon Oliver with his long time comedic partner Andy Zaltzman providing the news in the most British manner possible. Mr. Oliver is better here than he is on The Daily Show since he has even better chemistry with Andy Zaltzman then he has with Mr. Stewart.

Hotties from History is a recurring bit they started around Episode 8 or 9 where people nominate and vote for their historical crushes. Joanna the Mad had proved to be popular with the hosts and audience, so I nominated one of her far more grotesque descendents, Carlos II of Spain. Andy read mine at the 25:27 mark. Frustratingly, i preferred this week's other podcast-worthy Hottie nomination (at 24:30).

Still, i loved hearing my words read with a British accent. subbes, if you wanted to call me and read my LJ posts to me, i'd enjoy that.

This week's episode was among their weaker efforts, but quite entertaining nonetheless. I recommend starting from Episode 1 and listening to all of them if you have the time.
  • Current Music
    Teletubbies...i'm visiting a friend

FDA Warning: Doing math may cause insomnia

I couldn't sleep much last night. It's all infopractical's fault. In his journal, he explained a trick he developed in middle school(!) to do the decimal expansion of x/97. I won't get into the derivation here, but the algorithm involves taking the terms two-at-a-time and doing repeated multiplications by three plus an adjustment. If you're curious:

x/97 = .aabbccdd...

aa = x + trunc( x / (97/3)) )
bb' = (aa * 3) mod 100
bb = bb' + trunc( bb' / (97/3) )
cc' = (bb * 3) mod 100
cc = cc' + trunc( cc' / (97/3) )

That looks a little complicated. But, basically you take the previous two numbers, multiply by 3, and ignore the hundreds place (that's the bb' and cc' part). Then take that result and adjust by zero if it's 0-32, one if it's 33-64, two if it's 65-99. For example, 3/97 =

  0.03    : First term is simply x + adjustment 
    09    : 03*3 + 0
    27    : 09*3 = 27 + 0
    83    : 27*3 = 81 + 2
    50    : 83*3 = 249 -> 49 + 1
    51    : 50*3 = 150 -> 50 + 1
    54    : 51*3 = 153 -> 53 + 1



About ninety minutes before my bedtime last night, i started playing with why his method works (including figuring out the precise addition adjustment of trunc( ((x * 3) mod 100) / (97/3)) ) instead of the more vague "adding 1 for each 1/3 of 100 the result surpasses."

I then went off and extrapolated it to some other fractions in the 91sts thru 98ths range:

x/(100-m) = .aabbccdd...              : ex.  1/95  (x = 1, m = 5)

aa = x + trunc( x / ((100-m)/m)) )    : aa  = 1 + trunc( 1 / ((100-5)/5)) = 1 + trunc(1/19) = 01
bb' = (aa * m) mod 100                : bb' = (01 * 5) mod 100 = 05
bb = bb' + trunc( bb' / ((100-m)/m) ) : bb = 05 + trunc( 05 / 19) = 05
cc' = (bb * m) mod 100                : cc' = (05 * 5) mod 100 = 25
cc = cc' + trunc( cc' / ((100-m)/m) ) : cc = 25 + trunc( 25 / 19) = 26
dd' = (cc * m) mod 100                : dd' = (26 * 5) mod 100 = 30
dd = dd' + trunc( dd' / ((100-m)/m) ) : dd = 30 + trunc( 30 / 19) = 31

-> 1/95 = .01 05 26 31 57 89...
-> 9/98 = .09 18 36 73 46 93...

95ths are easy because multiplying by 5 is quick and the adjustment divisor 95/5 is an integer. 93rds are more difficult because I don't intuitively divide by 93/7. However, most of the others in the 90s work out reasonably well.

After this and watching some Tivoed Daily Show, it was time for bed. As i believe i've mentioned before, i shouldn't do mildly “interesting” math in the two hours before bedtime. I paid the price for my folly as i spent my time lying in bed pondering other decimal expansions. For example, i realized meant i could finally do 13ths (which i knew had two separate repeating decimal patterns...but nothing i wanted to memorize) and 19ths, by converting to 91sts and 95ths. I went on to calculate 49ths, 190ths, 995ths, et cetera.

Initially, while calculating 3/190 i recognized that i could add 19/190 to make it 22/190 - .1 = 11/95 - .1. After doing this, i felt like a complete dumbass because it should have been obvious that it's easier to calculate 3/19 and divide by 10. Of course, i also felt like a dumbass for mathing instead of sleeping.

However, that addition of 19/190s inspired me to realize that an easier way to calculate 14ths and 28ths is to convert to 7ths by doing ± .5 for 14th, ± .25 or .75 for 28ths. In the past, i'd just take divide by 2 or 4 and then divide by 7, realizing that the decimal would quickly adhere to the 7ths repeating decimal.

Anyway, i apologize that this isn't of interest to most (any?) of you aside from the humor stemming from immense nerdiness causing me pain, once again. However, posting this will help me retain this for later use.

Where? I have no idea...
  • Current Music
    Pansa Pansa - Fela Kuti
  • Tags

Can someone decipher the whispering at the 2:00 mark for me?

After too much effort over the past nine years, i recently tracked down the most awesome xmas song ever, What Sweet Child O' Mine Is This?. It's a loungey fusion of What Child Is This? (Greensleeves) and Guns N' Roses' Sweet Child o' Mine with some random banter about Jesus and Jerry Garcia thrown in. It's spectacular.

Click here1 to listen.

1 Note that the track info on the linked MP3 is incorrect. The correct info is here at AMG.
  • Current Music
    Colored Noises - The Hong Kong
  • Tags

Like your namesake, go forth to rape and pillage these treacherous bowling pins

At the Special Olympics Bowling Tournament last Saturday, i had two accidentally, awesomely named athletes. The first was named Alaric, which is the name of the Visigoth king that lead the first barbarian sacking of Rome in 410 CE. Somehow, his mom had never heard of this. Rather, all she knew was that Alaric was named after his uncle, but that it's pronounced differently.

The other athlete was named Dorian Ray. At least in this case, the father was aware of the similarity to Dorian Gray but said that it was unintentional. You would be proud that, after Dorian's many gutterballs, i refrained from cracking that "somewhere, in an attic, there's a portrait of this lane with all the bowling pins knocked over."

Finally, some among you are going to find this Archie McPhee item extremely necessary:

  • Current Music
    Loose Booty - Funkadelic
  • Tags

"It's out of love"

I believe i have a new favorite most disturbing song. Listen to Fistful of Love by Antony & The Johnsons without paying attention to the lyrics. The song's quite beautiful, building to an inspirational, joyous refrain.

Now listen to it again with the lyrics...Collapse )

I believe that maddening would very much enjoy Antony & The Johnsons as Antony sounds like a mix of a more feminine Nina Simone crossed with Scott Walker. A less grotesque, but very, very nice Antony song is You Are My Sister (with special guest Boy George):

Hope There's Someone is lovely as well.
  • Current Music
    Orgasmatron - Yat-Kha
  • Tags

trouser armadillos

I did the easy thing and went as Scott Ian for Party Like a Rock Star:

Sadly, they chopped off my left hand, which was also emphasizing my crotchal area.

Personally, i think i'm much hotter than fem-Kiss.

Being Mr. Ian had the benefit that it gave me an excuse to see what shaving my head entirely would be like. I generally don't like shaved heads on white guys due to tendency to make them look like giant roll-on deodorants. Also, I learned that I shouldn't have attempted to do this myself, as my head turned into a giant razor bump. My skull, she is not round. Finally, sleeping with semi-smooth pate was an interesting experience as my stubble pierced my pillowcase, causing the entire pillow to remain stuck to my head whenever i turned it.

On the other hand, i parlayed my sweet-ass look at the party into a date with a perfectly lovely, much too sheveled and wholesome-looking Courtney Love. She actually asked for my phone number before i hers, which is a first for someone i was actually interested in.

I was a bit concerned heading into the date, since i don't actually have a two-toned, eight-inch beard nor did i have anything pointed at my penis. Fortunately, she didn't seem too outwardly disappointed. Because i'm a true romantic, i took her to see Alexandra Pelosi's documentary on evangelical America.

Yes, i know, you're all jealous that you're not the one dating me. There's only so much me to go around.
  • Current Music
    Sue's Last Ride - Dirty Three
  • Tags

I think my brain is broken, again

My MP3 player is scaring me. It's currently playing Paradise by the Dashboard Light for the fourth time since Phil Rizzuto died two days ago. During that period, the player has randomly selected from my entire collection (of 2550-2567 tracks) at most 300 times.


I've spent a significant chunk of this time period trying to figure out what the hell the drummer is doing on the song In the Evening by Nina Nastasia and Jim White. It very makes little sense to me, but i absolutely adore it. Granted, i know next to nothing about music theory, have no rhythm, and have a predilection for funky percussion. Still, i'm insanely curious what causes me to love this so.

You can download the song for free here in order to scoff at my musical unsophistication.
  • Current Music
    In the Evening - Nina Nastasia and Jim White
  • Tags